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Vermin vies for presidency

By Austin Brown and Benjamin Haylett, broadcast team and news editor

While many criticize the front-runners of this year’s upcoming presidential election, the bottom of the barrel probably has more cause for criticism. Vermin Supreme, a 55 year old Libertarian candidate, has made headlines since 2004 when he first ran for President. What makes him stand out from other candidates? Well to start with, Supreme wears a rubber boot on his head during all debates and public appearances.

Supreme is also known for carrying around a giant toothbrush, which is used to advocate his platform of mandatory tooth brushing for all Americans. “Gingivitis has been eroding the gumline of this great nation for long enough and must be stopped, too long has this country suffered a great moral and oral decay,” said Supreme at the Lesser-Known Democratic Presidential Forum in 2011. At the same debate, Supreme pulled handfuls of glitter out of his pockets, and dumped them on the head of Randall Terry as Terry was giving a speech. In subsequent years, Supreme has not been invited back to the Lesser-Known Democratic Presidential Forum because of his actions in 2011.

Mandatory tooth brushing, time travel research, zombie apocalypse awareness, and free ponies for all Americans are all among the strange platforms that Supreme has advocated. At that same 2011 appearance, he said, “My free pony platform is of course a jobs creation program, it will create lots and lots of jobs. Once we switch over to a pony-based economy we will also lower our dependence on foreign oil.”

In the past couple of years, Supreme has left the spotlight, but he has had a sudden resurgence during this year’s election. Several videos have popped up on the Internet of Supreme harassing presidential hopefuls Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio.

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Journalism Adviser, Saegertown Jr. Sr. High School

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